Why you ask, did this weekend come at such a good time? Well I'm officially on my last nerve. My children have worn me out and used up ALL of my patience. No only that but the Prozac ran out and I haven't had the sweet little miracle pill for over a week and boy is it starting to show. My family will be happy to know that I have refilled my Rx and I will be able to tolerate them again soon! I can handle my children to a certain point. They are boys, they like to wrestle and fight but I cannot handle the squealing and whining that comes along with it. They play and they have the attention span of an ant so I know that my house gets messy. What I cannot stand is when I spend the WHOLE day cleaning and if you stopped by my house, you wouldn't even know it. It still looks like a bomb went off. That has to be the most frustrating thing ever. My husband probably thinks I'm the worlds biggest lazy ass wife and that I don't do a damn thing while he's gone. I know he doesn't think that at all but that's how I feel!This extreme bitching leads me to my current dilemma. My 9 year old son. I'm 5'3" and 110 lbs. I'm not a big person and he is gaining on me, standing at my shoulders and weighing in at 65 lbs). Today we had a MAJOR blowout and it took all of my strength to take his tantrum on. He was angry that I was making him re clean the bathroom that he did a half assed job on. It would have taken him 5 minutes to fix the things that he missed. Instead he started with the attitude and arguing with me, and after I had had enough I sent him to his room. This is where it got ugly. He went into a total rage, screaming and yelling so loud in my face I though he would burst an artery. I could see the veins popping in his neck. We had a tug-o-war match with his bedroom door (he wanted out and I was trying to keep him in) and when he was too strong for me he came out and I had to physically restrain him and drag him to his room (got a visual yet ?). He is getting strong! Keep in mind that I'm trying my hardest not to laugh at him and this is making him even angrier and even funnier to me. After a few minutes of this he IS NOT calming down and he is getting to the point of hitting me and I warned him that if he didn't calm down and lower his voice that he was going to get smacked. He kept at it and he finally got his cheek thumped and thumped hard. It phased him, but only a little. Long story short it took him a good half hour to calm down and get himself under control, all the while my mind is racing wondering how long I can take his tantrums and how am I going to change this behavior. Our behavior I should say. I don't enjoy physically disciplining my kids and it makes me feel like a shitty parent, but I'm not against it and I will be damned if my kids think that they can talk to me that way and treat me or anyone disrespectfully. I refuse my child to turn into one of these disrespectful little punks that I see all too often.
Sooooo, if there is anyone out there that has any advice for me I would truly appreciate it. For now I'm going to take a much needed break from my family and enjoy my weekend! I will take lots of pictures and post them when I get home.
Oh my goodness. Please send me the advice when you get it because this sounds VERY similar to me and my 9 year old. My husband calls her my arch nemisis. It hasn't always been this way, but it seems like lately we just don't get along. She thinks she's too smart for me or something. When she loses it, it's ridiculously like a 3 year old. It's laughable how out of control she can get, and yet recently I had to spank her to get her attention. It makes me feel crappy too, but like you, there is NO way the behavior is acceptable.........my only saving grace is that I know she would NEVER act that way in front of someone else. :)
ReplyDeleteI almost forgot........have a great time away! :)
ReplyDeleteHaven't had to deal with that stuff yet. My daughter is two and a half, so I guess I have a few years. It's probably those pre-teen hormones. I've heard that the "tween years" are worse than the actual teen years. I don't know if it's true, but I heard it in a parenting class.
ReplyDeleteHave fun with your weekend away. I'm so jealous. I need a break really bad. It sounds like fun. Maybe it will give you the break you need.
I love scrapbooking. Have an awesome time!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some great advice- but I say keep doing what you are doing. I think you are right in sticking with your guns.
ReplyDeleteAt this point my son is almost 11- and the tantrums have pretty much gone away. We talk (Sometimes there is still some yelling) but these past few months have been MUCH EASIER.
GOOD LUCK!!
I am so wishing I was about to have your weekend. I have never scrap booked anything but want to but who has the time. That is the perfect way to make the time.
ReplyDeleteMy boys are still little but it wont be long and I will be where you are. I am small like you and nothing scares me more than the day my boys are bigger than I am.
Sounds like this vacation is at just the right time. A few days away may help clear your head so you can focus on new ways to deal with growing children. It is hard to change parenting patterns when the kids get older. We still think of them as our 'babies' but they are turning into young adults.
ReplyDeletehave fun and good luck
Sorry did you say NINE OF US GOING?? :))
ReplyDeleteAs for your boy, I'm not a parent. But you sound like you did a good job. And your absence and personal life being attended to will give him some thoughts as well: ie, you're a PERSON :))
How awesome... a whole vacation of scrapbooking. Too cool!!
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you have 4 boys! I only have 2.
My site is called sanewithoutdrugs... so I had to chuckle when I saw the name of yours.
So glad that you are getting some time away to recharge and reassess. Wish I had some amazing, attitude-altering advice for you with your son--but I don't. Blessings to you as you seek the best way to deal with this kiddo in this season. Stay the course, Girl, hold your ground.
ReplyDeleteAnd get massages--lots of massages..
Blessings!
Keep on hanging in there :) Enjoy your break, massages, friend-time etc! Please tell us all about it!!
ReplyDeleteI understand worrying over a fast growing boy. From what you describe, my just turned 8yo is bigger than your 9yo (tall genes, I'm 5'10", he's at my shoulder). Fortunately he is not inclined to be physical, but he has taken to dark moods, muttering to himself, and shutting us out when he is ticked off...I've threatened to take away the door to his room! My 6yo daughter still yells and screams and throws things.... but last time she did it, I started collecting everything she threw and walked out with it. She immediately stopped and asked why. I said I was throwing everything away (her pillow, some favorite toys, etc). She immediately quieted down, so I gave it back. This time. She had a look like something got through... we'll see. I'm sure she'll blow-up again. She has my temper (which is a bad, yet good thing - I think it will make her courageous when she needs it).
Speaking of growing up with a temper... one thing that used to anger me, hurt me, cause me to disrespect my parents - especially my mother - was lack of communication. If I got mad and yelled, I was just 'in trouble', grounded, yelled at, spanked, things taken away. Period. Sometimes it would have been nice to hear WHY they were saying no or otherwise not listening to why I thought it should be yes... sure, the answer would still have been no, but so what. What I DESPISED was 'because I said so' - that was just asking for a fight! I think it also taught me to lie and go behind their backs. I didn't do a lot of horrible things... mostly I just wanted to go to a game at the school or something simple...(mostly, I got lucky to not get hurt with other things) it was easier to lie than argue with "because I'm your mother, that's why". If they'd taken the time to explain why, their feelings, fears, whatever... I think it would have helped. Not with everything, but enough so that there'd have been more respect and patience... on my part. But, they didn't want to listen to me and treat me like an intelligent being... so, pfft!
I talk to my kids. I wait for them to calm down and we talk - for as long as they want to talk. I ask what I could have done to help them through this easier. I remind them that they are allowed to get as ANGRY and as pissed off as they want.. BUT... how they act when they are angry matters. Do we hit or push them? No. Does their teacher hit or push? No. It is not acceptable. My daughter gets very very very mad at me, but often wants me to sit with her until she's through it. She grabs me and holds so tight it hurts... yet she'll be screaming that she hates me forever! I tell her I will only sit with her if she's nice about it - no yelling or hitting, or I'll leave. When needed, we'll sit until the anger fades, and when she calms down, we snuggle and talk.
And why do I make them do chores! It's not fair! Well, I remind them that if they want to know where their stuff is, or want me to have free time to play games or do crafts for them... they need to help. Can't find your PSP? Why are you asking me??
With my son, I just have to remind him: You get this right because you are responsible, you are losing this right because of 'this' particular reason... punishment fitting the crime. Bedtime is a good time to talk to him.. turn off the light and I can ask "Is anything still bothering you?", "Are you still angry?" and this is his time to be open.
I also use other people's kids as examples - not by name, but I point things out in public, not loud enough to humiliate the others, but to get my kids to see the difference - or the similarities as I also try to point out other kids acting positively. We actually walked out of a movie (shown on a lawn at the club) the other day because my kids got annoyed with the bad behavior of some other kids. It was very annoying, but we didn't say anything, just let the kids handle it. When it became clear things weren't improving, they came to us and asked if we could just leave ... it was a great lesson in respecting others.
Most importantly - something I wish my mom had done. I apologize. "I'm sorry that I got so angry and yelled. You were wrong for (specific issue), but I was also wrong to lose my temper" (or be crabby, or whatever.)" I remind them that we all make mistakes - yes, even adults. I've also explained why I yelled - I was tired, I was afraid for you, this was the 8th time today, all of the above, and I ask the kids to think how they would have handled it if they were the mom or dad.. how can we make it better? Moms have to teach their kids how to be good people, but how?? I don't expect them to come up with a good alternative, but I think it helps for them to see themselves as part of the team.
You aren't alone my sister-mommy-bogger! Rant whenever you need and we will commiserate, share a cup of virtual tea, etc :)
I saw your comment on the cat pee....have you ever tried this?! I LOVE it. I get it at Target and you really have to saturate the area....but it works! I used it when my daughter peed on the couch too. Gets ALL odor out. Just wanted to pass it along!
ReplyDeletehttp://kidsnpetsbrand.com/