The root of our family, my grandmother, passed away a few months ago and one of her dying wishes was that her family took care of each other after she was gone. Her wish was not granted. That wish has gone up in flames. There was a very tragic day that we found out that one of the elder relatives had been inappropriately touching a much younger one and it was devastating to say the least. We couldn't believe what we were hearing, couldn't even grasp the idea and couldn't even imagine in our worst nightmares it happening to one of our own children. It was hard enough to deal with it just knowing this child and seeing an innocence lost and never returned.
Not knowing what else to do the police were called, a report was made and the investigation began. Little did we know how devastating it really would be to our family and how people that you thought you knew, you didn't really know at all. People were upset for not keeping it in the family and trying to figure out another alternative; knowing that if convicted, a family member would inevitably spend time in jail and have their lives ruined because of very bad choices that had been made. Choices made, that make you wonder if it was the first time or had other lives been ruined in the past that we don't even know about.
In one week our lives had been turned upside down with a confession, an arrest and a suicide.
Yes, my family member took their life after getting out of jail on bond, rather than face the consequences of their actions. Leaving behind unanswered questions, problems, hurt, anger sorrow and grief. Grief that this person will be missed no matter what they did, anger that it was done and the easy way was taken out, the problems of cleaning up the mess (financial etc....) that he made and so many questions that a child alone cannot answer. Unless some sort of a break through is made in counseling, I don't think any of us will know the full extent of the abuse.
Now, 2 months later, their isn't a family member who is really on good terms with anyone and the sad part is that I don't think anyone really knows what they're fighting about. My grandmothers house is on the market and the estate being divided has been horrible. Brother and sisters treating each other horribly, backstabbing and cruel comments and a practical disownment of some members. As a younger generation, we saw no other alternative to the original problem, which was the abuse. The older generation does not agree and is very unhappy with the outcome of it. Fingers are being pointed and the blame is being put anywhere it can be. They don't understand that the only person they can blame is my uncle who is now gone from this earth. He made all of those decisions and ruined so many lives. There is so much anger running through the veins of this family and I don't believe it will ever be fixed. The names have been called and the fingers have been pointed, there is no going back.
The saddest part of the whole situation is the fact that most of the older members (the ones who are being so selfish and hurtful) have completely forgotten who the important one is in this situation. The child, the VICTIM. She will never be innocent again, she will remember this for the rest of her life, she will always have unanswered questions and possibly nightmares, she will more than likely have issues as an adult that will take years of therapy. Her mother will always have that guilt and feeling of failure and not being able to protect her child, especially from someone that she trusted. They will both live the rest of their lives feeling like they did something wrong or that they should be blamed for the final outcome. They should NEVER have to feel that way!!!
Anyway, I have remained neutral through it all. Listening to everyone involved and seeing each of their sides, knowing how they are feeling. Ultimately, caught in the middle. This is my family and I love each and every one of them. Not wanting to take sides because that is just not who I am I have tried to stay open to every ones feelings and beliefs. Lord knows everyone is allowed to feel how they feel and grieve how they want to grieve, I'm not one to judge. There are many family members who are not like me and have taken definite sides, making this a very broken family. I don't see it ever being the same or even close. This breaks my heart and it makes me so sad to even think of it. I just wish that people would come to see who this is all about.
Well my rant is over and I just needed to get that off. Get it out in the open and not have to worry about what you think whether I'm right or wrong.