Those who enjoy my insanity..........

Monday, February 9, 2009

blown out of proportion

I of all people would never condone bullying in any environment, especially at school, but I think some people have taken what is considered 'bullying" to extremes. There will never be a time when kids don't pick on and tease each other. It's inevitable and it's going to happen. I as a parent accept that fact and agree with it to an extent. I draw the line when it's hurting a kids self esteem, they are scared to go to school and just cant handle it. Constant name calling, threatening and harassing will not be tolerated. But, kids will be kids. They pick on each other!

My husband and I have taught our kids to be problem solvers and to use their words when something is wrong or when someone says or does something that they don't like. We are teaching our kids to stick up for themselves and not to depend on us or others to be their problem solvers all of the time. They know that if someone hurts their feelings or do something that they don't like that sometimes they just need to suck it up and deal with it because as they get older they will find out that not everyone is nice and kind. There are mean, rude and disrespectful people in this world and we need to deal with them whether we like it or not.

I got a phone call from my sons principal on Friday with the news that he had been sent to the office because he was informed by a parent that my son had been harassing and bullying their student. I immediately became furious and started in with the 20 questions. None of which the principal could answer due to "confidentiality". The only thing he could tell me was that my son and another male student (whom are ALL in 3rd grade) chased a boy home and told him they were going to "knock his head off". I responded in telling him that Shay would be talked to and given the appropriate punishment. After I hung up the phone I began thinking about what would be the appropriate punishment.........but I didn't know the whole story. I confided in the hubby and he felt the same as I, we didn't know both sides of the story. We know our child enough to know that it's not like him to be mean and hurtful. We decided to wait on any decisions and hear what he had to say for himself.

Come 3:40 pm our son comes in the front door and immediately says " I know, I'm grounded". "Actually no, we want to hear your side of it". He begins to tell us that this other boy was taking his hat and calling him names (shrimpy and wimp) on the playground. He says this boy is about a foot taller than him. He also says that the teacher and principal told him if he had been the one to "tattle" first that he wouldn't be in any sort of trouble!!!! I'm sorry but there is no way in hell that we are going to teach our kid to be a pansy ass and tell every time something (minor) happens that he doesn't like. Anyway, he and his buddy chased this kid home but left him alone after he turned the corner. So it was only 1 1/2 blocks. We had our talk with Shay and told him that he needs to stay away from that kid and that he can't talk to people like that. He understood and that was that, so we thought.

Monday comes around and he comes home and tells me that this kids mother walked to school with him and when he saw them he crossed the street but still heard the child say his name and was pointing him out to his mom. Shay kept walking to school and went to line up for class when this woman approached him. Let me remind you that all of the boys involved are in 3rd grade. She had the nerve to confront him and tell him that she doesn't appreciate my son harassing her son and that she will not tolerated it. She asked him if he would like to be harassed!! He didn't even know how to answer her and he was a little afraid. Being that she was about 5 inches from his face and whispering so that only he could hear. He was then sent to the office again because this boy said that Shay confronted him about tattling to the principal! My son is a horrible liar and I know when he is telling me the truth. He was being completely honest and never talked to the kid again.

My husband plans on walking our son to school tomorrow and confronting the principal and ask him "who is harassing who now". I refuse to have an adult threaten my children and there will be something done about it.


  1. Third grade stinks, doesn't it?! My son is having a tough year with exactly these same sorts of things.... and I am at my wits end with all their 3rd grade drama.

    I can't believe the mom would talk to him at school like that- completely out of line. And---GOOD FOR YOU for trying to raise your kids to let the small stuff slide. Kids will be kids and they have to learn to take it or walk away secure with who they are and their own knowledge of right and wrong.

  2. I've never had to deal with this sort of situation with my kids. We meet sometimes twice a week with our homeschool groups but bullying has not been an issue so far. I too teach my kids it can happen to them and that you have to let some things slide, and sometimes you have to take up for yourself.

    What makes me mad is the mom of this other kid. I mean what was she thinking approaching a child and repremanding him She has to know how intimidating and downright scary that would be. If she had come to speak to you, big difference but approaching your child borders on harrasment. Shame on her!

  3. I'd be calling the principle, teacher, police (ok, maybe not the police, but I'd be tempted...) to complain about an adult on school grounds verbally threatening my child. I'm sending some mental kicks in the behind her way for you... I hate it when parents act so juvenile! If she were defending her kid, at the time of the original incident, hot words and actions not thought through would be more (not completely) acceptable... but this was after the fact and was very obviously a premeditated assault! What kind of an adult does that??? So how much does a restraining order cost? >:-)

    Yea... kids get in trouble. Adults need to set the example... not encourage the bullying by being a bully themselves.

  4. sounds to me like you need to have a little pow wow with the school and the other parent.

  5. It is unacceptable for that mother to confront your kid....I would be giving her a call!

  6. You have to question the system these days!! That is REDICULAS...!! Can't wait to hear the end of the story!! We spend our time teaching our children right and wrong, and being sensitive to others...I had a problem with my own child's teacher! She meant to be endearing, but when my son told me that she calls him "Carter the Farter" You have to think!! I grilled my son for EVER, threatened to go to his class and talk to his teacher (to see if he was lying) and then settled for a note....all to find out that she was using this in a "ryming words unit" I was seriously irritated. Here she is to set the example for these kids, and instead she is potentially instilling a nickname for my child that other kids could abuse relentlessly...I talked to her, and she was extrememly apologetic, but I still feel unsettled about the whole thing!! These kind of situations SUCK!!!

  7. OMG! WHY do parents try to fight their children's battles? This has always driven me NUTS!

    I had a friend's mom confront me as a 'kid' and I will never forget it. Ever.

  8. Are you kidding me...the mother had a talk with your son.
    You guys are handling teaching Shay the right things and this just proves your point about the other people in this world that you just have to deal with.

    Can't waait to hear how it went after dad took the walk

  9. Update.... the principal didn't think it was a big deal!!!! My husband made it a big deal and the situation was taken care of. I'm still debating whether I should call that mom or not.
    Thanks to everyone for their kind words and advice!

  10. What a miserable situation, and what a wimpy principle! Good for you and your husband.

  11. I wonder how mom would like to have a much larger man get in her face and whisper little threats?

    My daughter has been bullied brfore and I made her deal with it, but I assure you that if you were to knock that bitch out for confronting Shay, I for one would pat you on the back!

  12. Oh my goodness. I was getting heated just reading this. How dare that mother threaten your son and how dare the principal not want to take a stronger stance on it (at first). Wow.



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