A mothers Sacrifice part 3

So I left off at the proposal right?!

Well, I was sooo excited about our wedding that I jumped into the planning of it. Within a week we had set a date (October) and it was all I could think about. Now that I look back I'm pretty sure I scared the shit out of him and he started to with drawl, but I'm not sure. I do know that I was taking this thing way too fast for a man.

We were on a budget and I was working so hard to find the perfect place to have the ceremony and reception at the same time AND a place that would let us do our own food and allow us to bring our own alcohol. It was a chore, but I found it. We put the deposit down and started planning the rest. I found a dress and I was sooo in love with it, see.........

But...... it was $900 back then. I searched and searched and found it online for like $500 but that was still way out of my price range and so I tried to keep looking.

Well, sometime in the summer my fiance approached me and dropped the bomb. He wanted to postpone the wedding. I was soooo upset and I didn't understand why. All I could think about was that he didn't want to do it, was getting cold feet and was scared. He said that we didn't have the money to have the wedding that we wanted. I was confused, but I complied. We postponed it and didn't set a date. Everything got put on hold and eventually I got over my hurt feelings and we went on dating like it never happened.

We talked about our future and if we should have kids or not. He for some reason thought that he wasn't able to have them. Do single guys think that? Just because he had never gotten anyone pregnant, he was sterile? We even moved in together! We found a townhouse in an area that we both loved. It was like we were family already, him, me and our little buddy.

Here's where it gets interesting........he wants me to quit taking my birth control and maybe see if we can get pregnant. HUH? Now wait a minute, let me get this straight. Were not married and you want to try to have a baby??? Ok. What he doesn't realize is that I'm so fertile that I can get pregnant just by looking at a penis. So needless to say, it didn't take long. AT. ALL.

It was October and I just had that feeling. You girls know "that feeling", that one where you just don't feel like you did last week, that something is just different. Yup, I had that feeling. I was really nervous buying the pregnancy test. What if I was? What if he had changed his mind? What are my parents going to say? I went home and put little buddy to bed and made my way to the bathroom. The time had come and it couldn't wait any longer. I had to know. Why is it after that moment of peeing on a stick that time stops? You sit there for the 5 minutes and it seems like an eternity? And when that little stick came out with a positive sign my heart stopped I think. I was soooo excited and terrified all at the same time.

Back than and still now he works nights, so I went to bed but lord knows I couldn't sleep. I just layed there in the dark watching the clock and waiting for the sound of his car pulling into the driveway. Those few hours were some of the longest I can remember! But I knew he would be coming home and when he did my heart began to race. He quietly crept into our bedroom and put his stuff in the closet and came to my side of the bed to give me a kiss. He was very surprised that I was awake. All I said was "hi daddy". He thought he misunderstood me so he said what and I repeated myself and told him to go look in the bathroom (where I had left the pee stick). It took him a few minutes but when he came out of that bathroom he had the biggest smile on his face ever. Even though it was dark, he was glowing and smiling from ear to ear.

That was the day before our original wedding date. I knew that we should have been married and I started to feel that it was the right thing to do and it needed to be done. Now.