tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post6728748662869432680..comments2023-10-20T04:05:49.708-06:00Comments on Sanity Check: The Destruction of a FamilyNicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02637932267766698808noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-83437381878618573172009-09-06T21:56:53.942-06:002009-09-06T21:56:53.942-06:00I am so so sorry. On every level of your family, t...I am so so sorry. On every level of your family, this just...it just rips everyone apart. And you know, my family would be the same way. My mom's generation would be all "sweep it under the rug and she'll be okay and you just get her help and we'll keep him in another room at the holidays." <br />The poor kid will never feel full closure from this. Not that I think any victim ever actually gets "closure" or any explanation or anything like that, but it's like a second hit at her.<br />I'll keep you in my thoughts - you have to keep neutral even though it'll make you nuts. The only chance the family has of coming back together at some point is having SOME STABLE point, some voice of reason who can keep perspective on things. Good luck.Amy Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13864770312360226508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-17281784617004048432009-09-02T22:00:19.635-06:002009-09-02T22:00:19.635-06:00What a trial to go through. And it's wide-reac...What a trial to go through. And it's wide-reaching effects are being felt immediately by you all, aren't they? The division and breaking of the family is very hard for people to deal with; we take so much shelter in the strength and solidity of family values and company....and unfortunately, as you're finding now, it's pretty much an illusion. I hope and pray you all find the shelter you can rely on. The only one I know of is spiritual shelter. I think Alyson, who commented first, would second that....♥ Brajahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07693196044262677095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-41787289619743885922009-09-02T21:58:28.052-06:002009-09-02T21:58:28.052-06:00What a trial to go through. And it's wide-reac...What a trial to go through. And it's wide-reaching effects are being felt immediately by you all, aren't they? The division and breaking of the family is very hard for people to deal with; we take so much shelter in the strength and solidity of family values and company....and unfortunately, as you're finding now, it's pretty much an illusion. I hope and pray you all find the shelter you can rely on. The only one I know of is spiritual shelter. I think Alyson, who commented first, would second that....♥ Brajahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07693196044262677095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-44340767997484098792009-08-30T22:03:45.078-06:002009-08-30T22:03:45.078-06:00This is such a horrible situation to be part of......This is such a horrible situation to be part of...I wish I had some words of wisdom. <br />I have a family member who I grew up with who later came to be abusing his daughter, my cousin, for almost a decade-and none of us knew. My sisters and I were with this person and his family ALL the time when we were little and none of us had any idea....horrifying.<br />In our situation, the mom called the police immediately, he confessed and went to jail. The mom and daughter moved out of state and we all lost touch. Somehow, the mom of that daughter became "the bad guy" and most of the family seems to have accepted him for who he is, and forgiven/forgotten. <br />It's not fair. It isn't right.<br />It's horrible that these things happen and even MORE horrible when the entire group doesn't rally behind the victim.Lifeofkaylenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03470854343779969623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-34387684828043156882009-08-29T10:26:31.590-06:002009-08-29T10:26:31.590-06:00That was a beautifully written post. I know we...That was a beautifully written post. I know we've already talked about this, but I just wanted to chime in with my hugs and love and support. Hopefully someday, you and your family will find some peace with this. I've always admired your close-knit fam, and I know you'll get back to where you were. (HUG)Tashahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09330605713290634407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-34729460703424381172009-08-28T13:04:57.383-06:002009-08-28T13:04:57.383-06:00I am terribly sad to read about the break-down of ...I am terribly sad to read about the break-down of your family and even more to hear of the cause. I am, however, very glad to read of your position. I believe that you made the right choice to stand for what is right for the victim. Protecting the abuser for the sake of the family is the same as staying married to an abusive spouse for the 'sake' of the children... no! Abusers are often abused. There may be something in the older generation's history - not just your uncle - that is too painful to be addressed. And it may be a generational problem that they might never be able to address due to a very real cultural difference. But that is not your concern. The children are, and they are who should be the priority for all (altho, obviously, it isn't - that can be a reality in all families :( !). I hope that those who truly loved being a part of your extended family - for the right reasons - will come around. Make it through the hurt and return to the fold. If they do not. Pick up your pieces and gather with those who share your concerns for those who should be protected.. the victim of abuse. They are the ones who share your values and mores, and that is often better than blood ties. I think of the abused child in the future... as she matures, she will know that those who loved her, cared enough about her to stand up for her protection even though it meant the 'fall' of your family. I would think that knowing that her welfare, and by association, the welfare of other young ones, was THAT important to those who protected her, and it will go a long way to repairing damage to her sense of self-worth. She, and the others of her generation, will know that they are more important to their loved ones, than something as intangible and frankly, useless, as the reputation of an extended family.Conniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667481504650498976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-25948275130793645552009-08-28T06:29:34.356-06:002009-08-28T06:29:34.356-06:00How sad and terrible. Not only the abuse crime, b...How sad and terrible. Not only the abuse crime, but now the divide of a once close family. My prayers for healing to your family.<br /><br />We have come a long way as a society in this matter. My mom was a victim and kept it quiet for years. Sadly, the older generation felt that those things needed to be kept silent. But the silence only hurts the victim even more. I hope the child in your family finds healing.Rebekahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17065188969643402603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-80976846288172177922009-08-28T06:13:23.652-06:002009-08-28T06:13:23.652-06:00I can't even imagine what your family is going...I can't even imagine what your family is going through but worse the little girl and her mother. I know that that is my worst fear other than my kids dying is that someone offend them sexually. I am terrified to think that my sweet child could be abused by someone in that way. Oh that poor girl. I Pray that everything gets better and that your family focuses on her healing now because there is nothing left to do for the uncle. So sorry.He & Me + 3https://www.blogger.com/profile/03692972824923390203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2814980660022035667.post-22262701182023862932009-08-27T22:11:13.697-06:002009-08-27T22:11:13.697-06:00I can completely and utterly relate to this post, ...I can completely and utterly relate to this post, especially to the innocent victim. I just posted about this very thing.<br /><br />Sexual abuse is so heinous and I don't understand the older generation's desire to keep everything quiet. This seems to be universal with that generation. It is in my family too. Everyone wants to pretend things are fine and the horrible deeds have never been done. But they did.<br /><br />It was a good thing the authorities were called in for your uncle. This is the sort of thing that almost always becomes a repeat offense with many victims. Who knows how many more.<br /><br />So sorry about the break down of your family. I completely empathize.Alyson | New England Livinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16209837924378793507noreply@blogger.com